You're so jaded, and I'm the one that jaded you.
Apparently I’m jaded. Towards everything, life, love and well... I guess that’s everything. I think this is ‘confess to Natalie that she is different and seems more depressed weekend’. Some things that were said have been good, like it’s nice to know I’m more independent and stand up for myself more now. Plus I guess having a dry cynical wit isn’t a bad thing; I mean at least that means I am funny sometimes. Though then they say that me being independent comes from the fact that I’m scared and make myself not care about anything so it won’t affect me. I know I do that more now. I somehow have learned not to care about the events that happen. I know I can’t change much so I just don’t care what happens anymore. By someone else I was told that I am in a constant state of indifference. This brings back the thing about me not caring.
Having Louis leave I guess was a big deal, it seems I just dealt with it by shutting myself out from everyone else so that I couldn’t become more damaged then I already was. It doesn’t seem that I was ever fixed in the process though. I don’t see how I could be either. I was in pain and there was nobody around to help me. The easiest thing to do since then has always been to forget. I have always been able to emotionally cut myself off from the world, but now I’m an expert. Being hurt so badly by someone you were in love with just doesn’t really sit well with a person, even if it was unintentional.
I’ve needed someone to help me for the longest time, nobody has been able to and I really don’t see how I can expect them to.
- Dark Lily 0>--}---

Mwa!
People have slowly been abandoning this site. For a while I still had hits from people who actually thought I would update. Hahahahahha…

*hugs those people*

Truthfully I have unfinished blogs scattered all around my computer. So many unfinished thoughts that probably won’t be found until I clean up my folders. This will happen after I clean my room, but most likely won’t happen for a very long time. Until then, there will only be crap posted that had no thought behind it at all. Not far off from the usual stuff, but this is slightly less meaningful considering I’m just trying to write something here instead of doing homework. I can’t believe Spring Break is over already. I did fuck all. Sorry, dad’s lovely expression that I thought would be appropriate. Working almost every day and then not sleeping much is basically like having school still but at school I don’t get yelled at by my mom XP Though it was slightly better since I didn’t have homework. *sigh* I can’t win.
The greatest thing tough, is I realized that after high school… this will be my life. No more breaks over summer to travel and be merry, just school and work. How depressing.
- Dark Lily 0>--}---