I'm sick
I shouldn't be sick. I have to go to school tomorrow and the day after no matter what. I have so many things to do and I have to finish it all. Argh, why can't my body listen to me and only get sick on days that I need it to? Everything hurts. I am coughing up my lungs. I think one might have come up with all that mucus, but I can't be sure since I can't see straight. My head hurts so I can't do homework no matter how hard I try. Please make it go away.
- Dark Lily 0>--}---

So tell me what you want, what you really really want.
Wow, fifth blog already this month. That’s almost more then what I have written the whole year before that. My one faithful reader would actually have noticed this… well maybe. *pokes Valness*
I’m pretty sure I will end up going to Ottawa for University next year. I talked to people that I know from there and I realized that they would do whatever they could to make me feel at home. Having at least one friend there will make is easier. This whole situation is weird because I have never been worried about leaving home before. For all the places I have went and not had someone there with me, I shouldn’t feel like I do now. I’m guessing that just the whole idea of not being sure when I’m coming home to see the people I care about does scare me now. I’ve had the dream of leaving home for so long that I have come to the realization that I’m almost not a kid anymore. This is just one of those things that may seem great before, but once you actually start going through with it then you start doubting everything.
I just realized why I have been writing more this month. There have been more things that I have been putting off. Usually I just write a story or come up with a story idea, or go on msn and once in a really desperate moment I would clean up in order to procrastinate in doing unpleasant things such as homework. I haven’t written much lately at all, if anything. Recently I have been feeling more insecure about even just writing simple stupid stories that don’t actually reflect my ability as a writer. Even those really poorly written, over dramatized, bad use of the English language type stories that I wrote with Shanny oh so long ago, I can’t write anymore. Most likely its all in my head, actually I know it’s all in my head. Though inspiration has struck me many times, I have always had to put it off mid thought because it was those times where I had to get something else done first. It’s odd how the best story ideas come when you are the most busy and least likely to stop for anything.
What I really want is time off from life. I want to be able to sit around and do nothing without a care. I want to be able to actually finish reading all the books on my list and be able to watch all those movies and anime that I have yet to find time for. I want to sit and chat all day with the people I find most interesting. I want all my favorite songs to be ready to play when the mood strikes me to listen to them. I want to be able to sit and muse for hours over a story while nobody else is around to bother me. I think I just want what everyone else wants, to be happy.
- Dark Lily 0>--}---

Bahness
I’m really tired today. Just the usual mood; completely exhausted, but still have so much to do. I really need to make that not my normal status. At least if I slept some more and did homework then I would have a much more pleasant basic mood. Oh well… being sleepless is what I really need to go for. Someone told me about a book that there are sleepless people. I forget the title completely and really want to know so I can read it since it seems good.
The story starts that couples can choose their child’s personality before birth and all their qualities. The really rich even had the option of having sleepless children that were always happy. These sleepless often learned to read and write faster then normal children and started school earlier and obviously would be in university and graduating with degrees and masters a lot earlier than most. Eventually they start to get turned on because of jealousy and rumors that these sleepless will want to kill off the rest of human race because the rest are not perfect. More rumors spread and wide terror also comes about so these sleepless start to cut themselves off from society, partly by choice and partly because they are forced.
That’s how far they got. That was about half way and I really want to read it or at least know how the book ended. There are a couple other ones that she mentioned, but this was the most interesting out of the bunch.
It’s getting closer and closer to decision day. Soon I really will have to decide if I will go to university in Ontario or here. If I make the page program I’m going to head over there for sure, at least a year. I want to go there because that university has the exact classes and such that I want to do. Here they have something like it, but either too artsy or too sciency. Arg. I know it would help me to go there, but I’m not sure if I want to anymore. I really wanted to before because I didn’t have anything here to hold me back. I knew I would lose touch with everyone here except family because it’s a given that they have to love me ;) now I’m not so sure. I know Louis is trying to go to the same university as me. I haven’t even talked to him in so long so who knows if he really cares anymore. We both know that we aren’t as close anymore and I guess it comes down to… I don’t want to be alone. I have been alone for so long and I finally have people that care about me again and so I don’t want to lose that again. I hate feeling alone. I doubt I can find someone that really does want to feel totally alone in the world and someone that doesn’t want someone to turn to when they are down. Now its midnight and I have school so I’m calling it quits for trying to decide what to do. Night!
- Dark Lily 0>--}---

I'm in one of those moods.
I have done nothing but watch the second season of sailor moon today, which I haven't updated about either.
SM2: Wasn't going to buy it because I didn't have much money at all and it would make me go so far in the hole, but I saw it for $40 cheaper then anywhere else at London Drugs and so I knew I HAD to buy it! One of those signs ^_~
Anyway, yes that is all I've done. All my friends have abandoned me today. I was supposed to head off to my dad's house, but Alex was being dumb and didn't want to. He wanted to stay here and switch off between watching Chobits on the computer and playing Socom II that Sean bought yesterday.
"I knew I loved you before I met you... I think I dreamed you into life."
heehee so ya... that's the mood I'm in; just more depressed. Sitting here not talking to anyone on MSN because I left and just came back, but am too lazy to actually go back online. Keren let me burn her Savage Garden CD because she had it in her car so I just stole it yesterday when we watched Braveheart together. I figured I would pop it in to at least listen to it once before it gets put away with all the other CD's I don't listen too. I'm usually just way too lazy to go put CD's in the thing so I never listen to them. Now this has made me be in a sappy mood.
Isn't it odd how when you say that nobody is talking to you then about 10 people message you? I forgot my AIM was left on and so I just got a burst of people poking me.
I really have nothing more to say because I'm heading off into a quiet mood. I just noticed that everything I am wearing right now is pink. Very odd considering I have almost no clothes that are pink. It reminds me way too much of Legally Blonde2 cover. I saw it yesterday on the shelf at Blockbuster and it hurt my eyes. There was way too much glare present to go near that part of the store. Who would actually dress their male dog in all pink? Yes the colors really don't matter for the gender, but when it matches your totally pink dress outfit thing then you know you have problems.
My shirt says, "Enjoy your stay at the Wild Lily hotel!" I just wanted to share that because that's the shirt I'm wearing and it's ugly so I never wear it. It says Lily so that’s why I like it.
"Another ditch in the road, you keep moving. Another stop sign, you keep moving on." Such a sad song…
- Dark Lily 0>--}---

My Farewell to HappyDeath
Sorry for not telling you sooner Matt, I knew the counters would lead you. You are one of those people that have to check how everyone came to your site. I knew after putting up the link that if anyone actually came to my site they would try my links and then you would be led back. You did a really good job on HappyDeath and made everything how you wanted it to be, it’s always been your blog more than mine. Not many people I know ever actually come to see my blogs so I really never cared to write anything because I knew your friends really wouldn't have wanted to see what I had to say since they had no idea who I was in the first place. I know what you meant about my blogs being personal, but I guess that’s why it really didn’t matter to me whether it was up there or not, since nobody I know comes to visit and they wouldn’t see what I said.
I should have told you sooner and I was going to as soon as I actually made my blog look somewhat nice. Right now its just randomly set up since whenever I play with the code it always screws up. I managed to screw everything up one time so bad that the whole page went down for a while. Going back and going through everything to see what went wrong is not fun whatsoever. So if you ever have time to help me with code for my blog I would highly appreciate it ^_~ My blog will probably always end up looking like crap since I’m way to impatient and html stupid to figure out how to get things all pretty like.
Thanks for letting me blog with you for so long. July 30th was HappyDeath’s one year! I came in on August 1st, 2002 and I guess my official depart will be today, although if Matt lets me I hope to go and post random blogging from time to time.
- Dark Lily 0>--}---

I'm so lazy
I mean look at my entries. They are all incredibly small and so far apart. Only 2 were made in September and one in October. I haven't even updated my links fully from the ones that are dead and the ones that I have a list of too put up sometimes soon. Worst of all is this damn blog layout. It's all so ugly. There is nothing creative or interesting at all with this color or set up. *sigh* oh well. I'm not going to bother when nobody reads this anyway. Plus it takes way too long to figure out the html for blogger. They are so picky about everything.
One another note, I got my pay check and was able to pay off almost all my debt last night, yipppy! I was so far in the hole that I couldn't even see where it began. I still owe my mom money and I do have enough to pay her back, but guess what I'm doing with that instead? BUYING THE SECOND SEASON OF SAILOR MOON! ^_^ ADV came out with it last month and one day I was randomly searching amazon and saw it. That made my whole day. I remember just prancing around after that randomly shouting out some lines from attacks and whatnot. This will push back my car insurance payments a bit, but its not like it hasn't happened before. I usually manage to get back into gear a bit later. I'm going to have to post my complete list of DVD's that I plan to buy sometime. That also reminds me to finally finish Excel Saga that I borrowed from Shanny. She isn’t too happy that I still have it after 2 weeks or so. She doesn’t have to know that I only watched the first episode so far because I haven’t been home. She was already threatening to take it away when I told her that I hadn’t really watched it after a week,
Yesterday was Halloween and so I dressed up. To the dance I wore some schoolgirl outfit that I bought while I was in France. To school I wore this one clown outfit. Nobody could really tell what I was right away since I didn't have the whole clown nose or hair bit going on like I should have. I just hadn't had the time to go buy either and my costume was barely done on time in the first place. As soon as I came to school, someone said I looked like HarleyQuinn from Batman. It does really look like that since it was red on one half and black/white on the other. I felt bad though since it felt as if I was stealing Gemma's screen name and using it as my costume. No idea why I did, but it just felt odd. I didn't want to be going around calling myself HarleyQuinn, even though that was the only way anyone really figured out what I was. In the end I just became the HarleyQuinn Clown for a day.
Being in the University Prep Chemistry class, we tried to blow up a gigantic pumpkin using hydrogen balloons, but well it failed. The pumpkin never blew because someone forgot the lid. It was still a pretty decent explosion, just no pumpkin pieces everywhere like there should have been. I have it all on my cam in a 30 second video, just I don't have sound so the big boom can't be heard. One of these days I will finally create a site where I can post up all my pictures and show everyone all the stuff I have saved on my computer that isn't being used.
I had more but I'm tired so it went away.
- Dark Lily 0>--}---