I didn’t know there was a Bryan Adams song on this playlist… interesting.
I’m happy nobody here can read this thing. Then I wouldn’t be able to talk about them XP lol not like I really do anyways, but still I can be a little more free this way. I’ve lost people. I’ve become Ms. Anti-Social (people who hyphenate there names are weird…. Most sound odd. Ok well I know a couple that are better the way they are, but I don’t think much would go with my last name). Now back to complaining.
It’s a Wednesday night and yes I did go out. But with Keren… only because JF didn’t want to see Mean Girls, and she was mad at him because of another little thing. They are always battling over something, it’s hard to keep track. The only reason she thought of going was because Crissy was already going with her family so Keren decided to grab me so she could go too with Crissy, but not have it look like she was trying to invite herself along on a family thing. I got to go and it was a good movie, very girlyish and cute. The ride to and from the movies was… blah. You know the feeling you get when someone really doesn’t want to be talking to you anymore, but is stuck with you? Well that’s what I was getting. I know it wasn’t intentional, but I that’s the vibe I got. I know Keren better then everyone actually, so I know an instant after anything happens what her mood is. She got ticked at something I said and it just stayed that tone. It wasn’t that I got her mad, I just said something that got on her nerves. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact I never see her, or anyone else for that matter. Keren doesn’t like explaining things from the very beginning and she’d had to do that a lot because we don’t talk like we used to. She still is one of my good friends and I know it’s just us not talking too much that’s the problem… but after I dropped her off I couldn’t help thinking, wow… that’s done. Not the ride home, but the way we used to be. I got tears in my eyes and that’s when I got into this mood.
I’m never at school... I don’t talk to anyone at lunch. Usually I am not there for lunch. Its not that I just go off to be with Cooper, I just leave altogether. I don’t try to talk to people either. I haven’t had the urge to. I could be on msn at this very moment, but I’m not. It isn’t that I don’t like talking to the people that are on there, it’s just that I can’t. I have lost the ability to interact with people. Oh I do want to talk, because I love to talk, but lately my want to be alone has taken over.
I have seen Cooper a bunch, but that’s different. He has to pay attention to me or he is in trouble lol. When I’m with him I’m actually happy because I don’t have to think about things that are to come. I don’t have to be reminded that soon I will lose everything and I don’t have any control over it. I can just sit here hoping that it will be all over soon. I don’t see why I have to wait for so long. If it was over then I wouldn’t have to keep hiding for no reason. At least then I could ignore what happened and just concentrate on forgetting everything.
The sad thing is that I recognize this exact feeling. I’ve had it happen before. It happened that other time I broke down completely. That other time I have dwelled on forever. That other time, that I was finally let go, the one that made me hurt for a while. Now I’m back to that same feeling, with a whole other mess. Being all emotionally drained, scared, and hurt at the same time. Those feelings go together well it seems. The worst part is that I can’t even do anything because I have to wait. All I can do is sit here waiting. I hate how when you make a decision that is crucial, they force you to go through hell before telling you your fate.
I hate being stuck in this pointless nothing. I guess before people were what distracted me from the way things are, and now that I don’t have that, I get to see that I’m just waiting for something to happen. I know there is something, something soon.
Please.
- Dark Lily 0>--}---
I’m happy nobody here can read this thing. Then I wouldn’t be able to talk about them XP lol not like I really do anyways, but still I can be a little more free this way. I’ve lost people. I’ve become Ms. Anti-Social (people who hyphenate there names are weird…. Most sound odd. Ok well I know a couple that are better the way they are, but I don’t think much would go with my last name). Now back to complaining.
It’s a Wednesday night and yes I did go out. But with Keren… only because JF didn’t want to see Mean Girls, and she was mad at him because of another little thing. They are always battling over something, it’s hard to keep track. The only reason she thought of going was because Crissy was already going with her family so Keren decided to grab me so she could go too with Crissy, but not have it look like she was trying to invite herself along on a family thing. I got to go and it was a good movie, very girlyish and cute. The ride to and from the movies was… blah. You know the feeling you get when someone really doesn’t want to be talking to you anymore, but is stuck with you? Well that’s what I was getting. I know it wasn’t intentional, but I that’s the vibe I got. I know Keren better then everyone actually, so I know an instant after anything happens what her mood is. She got ticked at something I said and it just stayed that tone. It wasn’t that I got her mad, I just said something that got on her nerves. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact I never see her, or anyone else for that matter. Keren doesn’t like explaining things from the very beginning and she’d had to do that a lot because we don’t talk like we used to. She still is one of my good friends and I know it’s just us not talking too much that’s the problem… but after I dropped her off I couldn’t help thinking, wow… that’s done. Not the ride home, but the way we used to be. I got tears in my eyes and that’s when I got into this mood.
I’m never at school... I don’t talk to anyone at lunch. Usually I am not there for lunch. Its not that I just go off to be with Cooper, I just leave altogether. I don’t try to talk to people either. I haven’t had the urge to. I could be on msn at this very moment, but I’m not. It isn’t that I don’t like talking to the people that are on there, it’s just that I can’t. I have lost the ability to interact with people. Oh I do want to talk, because I love to talk, but lately my want to be alone has taken over.
I have seen Cooper a bunch, but that’s different. He has to pay attention to me or he is in trouble lol. When I’m with him I’m actually happy because I don’t have to think about things that are to come. I don’t have to be reminded that soon I will lose everything and I don’t have any control over it. I can just sit here hoping that it will be all over soon. I don’t see why I have to wait for so long. If it was over then I wouldn’t have to keep hiding for no reason. At least then I could ignore what happened and just concentrate on forgetting everything.
The sad thing is that I recognize this exact feeling. I’ve had it happen before. It happened that other time I broke down completely. That other time I have dwelled on forever. That other time, that I was finally let go, the one that made me hurt for a while. Now I’m back to that same feeling, with a whole other mess. Being all emotionally drained, scared, and hurt at the same time. Those feelings go together well it seems. The worst part is that I can’t even do anything because I have to wait. All I can do is sit here waiting. I hate how when you make a decision that is crucial, they force you to go through hell before telling you your fate.
I hate being stuck in this pointless nothing. I guess before people were what distracted me from the way things are, and now that I don’t have that, I get to see that I’m just waiting for something to happen. I know there is something, something soon.
Please.
- Dark Lily 0>--}---
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